This time forever. English

Fanfic I wrote some time ago, based on the last chapter of Xena Warrior Princess. Femslash warning.

I see her, leaning over the railing of the ship, while the last rays of sun reflected in your hair. Her hair is short and blond, is stirred to the sound of the wind that takes us to Egypt. I remember how much I liked his long hair and the way the sun played with him ... I remember when we were riding in Argo, me in front and behind it, and how her hair tickling my face ... I remember when we slept together and secretly, pretending to be asleep, only to feel embraced its aroma ... I remember so many things ... Both boards ...


Oh, Xena, being without you is so hard ... So difficult ... Do not know if I can ... Every day is worse than the last ... Because every day I am more sure that this is not a horrible nightmare to wake ... You done so much less ... both ...

I remember every day we spent together, every laugh you, every word, every gesture ... I remember when we were riding in Argo, front and I behind you, and how I liked to hold on to your waist to support the head against your hair ... I remember when we slept together and took advantage of every opportunity to hug you when you were sleeping ... I remember many things, Xena ... too ... Sometimes I wish not to remember, not remember what we lost ...

His thoughts haunt me, gripping my soul, fill me with anguish ...

Almost wish I did not know what you think, does not feel his pain ... Almost ... Because it would be unfair for her to suffer alone, because I share your pain, do mine, which indeed it is, has always been like that his joy was my joy, and now your pain is mine too.

I do not know how I could keep up now since last time I touch you, feel your warmth ... You done so much less ... The vacuum left in my soul and my heart makes me bigger and deeper than it is now ocean ridges. What will I do without you, Xena? I always said I was your light, the force that drove you forward, so I never told you is that you were mine ...

I'm surprised ... Me? Does your light? So I think that is true ... In some ways, we completed the two of us to each other, we were like two parts of a whole ... After all we are soul mates ... destined to be together. What have I done?, I say ... When I decided to save all those souls, I thought it was right ... She is strong, I said, you know manage without me, was I wrong! Not in its strength, as if something has never lacked strength to meet whatever ... but his feelings for me ...

I notice that her shoulders shaking slightly, I need to come around to know who is crying for myself, as always ...

"Oh, my Gabrielle Gabrielle ... ... If only I had known what he had for me ... Now I know, now it's too late. From the moment the sun went down, that fateful day, I meaning each and every one of your thoughts, your pain, your love for me ...

I tell you I feel the same about you, almost from the first moment I saw you ... But I can not, I should not I do not want you to suffer more ... You suffer because you miss me because you love me and never told me ... What would you if you knew then what we have lost? "

Where are you, Xena? I know you're there ... I feel your presence, even though I can not see you. Could you see if you wanted, do not deny, but hidden because you think your simple vision haunts me ... And partly you are right ... In part ... Because if it is true that torments me not being able to see you and hug you or touch you, I also tormented by not being able to see, not hear your voice ... Oh, Xena ... how I miss the sound of your voice, your laughter, even the way you said my name when you get mad at me ... How I miss getting lost in the deep sea are your eyes ...

"Oh, Gabrielle ... do not know what to do ... I do not want to see you suffer. I know that you are suffering, my life, do not deny it. I can feel everything you think, what you feel ... You fear me because you fear not able to withstand the pain of not being able to hug, and not afraid to see me anymore ... ... But I also feared most has been accomplished ... I hurt you again ...

I hurt so many times ...

I did damage to blame for the death of Solan, when you had no fault ... and, not having enough of that, I blame the death of Eli also ... But you forgave me, you always do ... Will you forgive me this time too? Do not blame you if you did not ...

I believe that I hurt when your love was the friend who never love me as I loved you, not realizing that you were suffering like me. I hid my feelings for you, disguising my love with the veil of friendship ... I allowed you to marry Perdiccas, knowing that I loved you more than my life, all by my fucking cowardice ... If even then you loved me as I do not want to think about what you should have to suffer, my life ...

I hurt, this last time, leaving you behind ... Well back to meet the Supreme ... I can not help thinking that if I had known in time ... if we had known ... Perhaps we would not be here ... Perhaps your soul would not be broken, as it is mine. "

I know what I did was to save all those souls, it was right ... by the Supreme Good ... But a small part of me wish that you had not done ...

"Oh, Gabrielle, I also would like ... but I can not do anything but wait you can forgive me ... Please forgive my cowardice in not ever confess my feelings ..."

Now I know what you should feel when you saw me fall into that pit of lava with Hope and believe me dead, with the difference that you saw me as a friend, your light as you called me ... I also saw in you a friend ... and yet ... of you saw my friend, my way, my whole life ... I loved you, not like a friend, I loved you as a person, as a woman, like my soul mate ... I loved ... I love you, Xena ... I love you still. That's what breaks my heart ... If only I had told you ... if you had known ... if only we had more time ...

"Oh, Gabrielle, you are sadly mistaken. When I saw you fall into that pit of lava, not just thought I lost my friend, but my reason for living, my soul mate ..." I interrupt my thoughts when suddenly realizing that this is exactly what she must have felt upon seeing my headless body ... I shudder to imagine how I would feel I had it been the reverse. For once I get into place and I can not stop hating myself for what I did ... How can I expect you to forgive me when I do it myself?

I see that your tears become deeper collapses while kneeling on the floor of the boat, his arm still gripping the railing and her other hand covering her face in a futile attempt to stifle the sobs that I break your heart.

Oh ... Xena ... Wish you were here beside me ...

I can not ignore his request, I can not pass up this alone ... I approach her with the intention to make myself visible, when one of the sailors who were on deck, a young boy of just about twenty summers, approaches Gabrielle ...

"Miss, are you okay? Concerned voice asks.

"Yes ... yes ...- she answered, quickly. I'm fine.

The boy stared at her as she gets up and rebuilds the best you can ...

"Really," she says, staring at her. Do not worry ...

-Erm ...- boy says uncertainly. Are you ... you are the bard who traveled with the Warrior Princess?

"Yes, that's me ...- says sadly.

The boy shakes hands warmly with what Gabrielle is surprised, and I too.

"It's a great honor ...- begins the boy, but he interrupts. Oh, sorry, firstly wanted to say that I'm sorry he lost his friend so horrible ...

Gabrielle nods silently, not like to talk about what happened, do not blame her.

"It's a great honor," resumed the sentence where he left, shaking hands with the friend of the Warrior Princess. My family and I owe a lot ...

- What do you mean? "Asked Gabrielle.

"When I was seven summers, a fire broke out in the village, almost the entire village was evacuated, but I got scared and hid under the bed ... She was passing and, not the village or its people, came to our aid ... My mother said I was not and she entered the house, even at the risk of his life, found me and took me safely ...

I started remembering, as is telling: it is true, I did. So long ago that he no longer remembered.

"It ... was like her who needed help ...- the pain in his voice is evident.

- You may need to be alone? "Asked the boy, fearful of having made him remember something he wanted, perhaps, to forget. Given the silence of Gabrielle decides to leave, but not before putting a hand on his shoulder in a consoling gesture. If you need me call me simply, my name Magnus.

"Thanks," replied Gabrielle, as the boy walks away. Again loses sight in the skyline.

I stand there, indecisive, not knowing whether or not appear. I thought it a minute ago but now I say, why? That gesture ... This gesture of him to put a hand on his shoulder is something that I can never again do ...

"Oh, Gabrielle, I do not know what to do. I wish I could hug you, but I can not. I wish I could take away all this pain, and I can not. I can only see and talk to me ... I feel all your thoughts, love, and I would tell you that I I love you too ... but I dare not ... do not fear for myself but for you ... I do not want you to suffer more ... but I can not stand idly by while I see and feel in my soul all your pain .

With this thought, I overcome my fears and make myself visible. I'm just watching a few seconds ... It is considerably thinner, her cheeks have lost their pink color, her eyes lost their light, their joy and they are reddened both mourn and did not find rest in sleep. The truth is that I've hardly seen him eat or sleep since this ship since it began to absorb what had happened at first appeared to me to advise and try to encourage her to try to eat or sleep, but only succeeded to break into tears. So I thought that leaving her alone, would be better, it was my presence that haunted her ... But the result is the same, and begin to seriously worry about his health ...

Gabrielle ...- whisper your name. A shiver of me that she heard me. But instead of turning as I expected, still staring at the skyline.

- Why did you come? "She asks, holding the tears.

"I could not let ...- but she interrupted.

I do not need your pity, "said Xena with a hint of bitterness in his voice. I never needed anybody's sympathy.

"I know, Gabrielle," I say, I can not avoid being hurt his voice to me, but I can not help but feel that I deserve it. I just wanted ...

- What did you want, Xena? "Replied Gabrielle, without looking at me. "Try to convince me once again that what you did was right? Do not try, I know ...

- Then why do not you want me, Gabrielle? "I say, unable to hide my grief. Why turn your back on me?

"Because it hurts to see you ...- and his voice sounds so full of pain I can not help feeling that spreads from my soul that pain again.

"That's not what you thought ...- just now I discovered and I know, but I do not care. I do not know if it will hurt to know that I know how he feels about me, but ... maybe ... perhaps this is what you need ... know that I know ... and maybe, if I find the courage, knowing that it is reciprocated ...

"So true ...- just says Gabrielle.

- What? "I ask, although I know only too well what you mean.

"So that you can hear our thoughts ...

"Yes, I confess, it is true.

"Then you know that?" Asks simply. You know what I feel for you?

"Yes," I answer. No more lies. Need to know ...

"Well, seems to have discovered the secret, huh?" Says Gabrielle, unable to avoid more tears, again turning to the skyline.

Gabrielle ...

"Yes, I know ... I am your friend and that's all you see in me ...

"I love you too" I whisper, just behind her. I think I've always loved.

I get no response I do not know if it's because I have not heard or because it has nothing to say. Suddenly I see again the shoulders tremble.

I can not help wondering if I've done the right thing ... A part of me says yes, but then the other side tells me that it is unfair to make her suffer more, especially things that are hopeless. Even knowing what we feel for each other, what to us now? But nevertheless, he felt he needed to know ...

As always, I think I'm helping, that I do is for their sake, and in the end I always end up hurting, not even getting the redemption that I have stopped both yearned to hurt ... I see her again plunged into sobs crying for myself, for my sake, my fault, always for me ... I noticed a drop falls into the hand ... If flesh and blood and believe it would touch a looming rain, but ... Is it me? I did not know we had tears ghosts ... You better let me go and quiet for a while, I say ... But just when I start to swoon ...

- Why, Xena, and her voice is so full of anguish and pain that can not help but come back and approach his side, looking toward the horizon both.

- Why what? "I ask.

- Why did not you tell me? "Is curious, but his voice is no longer feel angry.

"Because I was afraid, Gabrielle," I answer truthfully.

- Are you scared? - I detect a hint of humor in it? -. You have not been scared in your life, Xena.

"Do not be so sure ...- I respond quickly. Afraid to lose you, Gabrielle.

She looks surprised and continuous

-Perderte, if I said what I felt for you ... If you told me you were leaving and disgusted or frightened ...- can not go because she interrupted me.

"Shhh," says Gabrielle Xena, putting his finger up to my lips. I can feel his touch but still close my eyes and imagine warm and cozy there. I would have lost, because I loved you ... I love you.

"I ... I love you too, Gabrielle, "I answer and I notice that my eyes were wet.

"I knew that ghosts tuviesen tears," says Gabrielle, surprised.

"Me neither," I reply. You're not angry with me?

"I was not angry with you, Xena replied, looking down. I've never been, really.

Seeing my look of incomprehension, smiles sadly and continues:

"I was angry with me, Xena," she says with her eyes on the floor, not to tell you what I feel for you ... for not having put your ashes in the fountain when the opportunity ... for being unable to save ...

"Oh, dear," I say, breaking into tears. Do not blame yourself, not your fault in any case is my fault, if I had not destroyed the city ...

"That Xena and Gabrielle says there, staring at me. And I want you to blame yourself for what you to do your dark past, every time you do feel like I stuck a dagger in the chest ...

"Gabrielle, I ...- but prevents me keep talking.

"No, Xena ... Do not tell me that after all we've been through, what we have fought, what we have resigned ... do not tell me that after all that ... after this ... do not tell me you have not achieved redemption for all you did ... Have you got?

"Yes," I answer without looking at her.

"Well," she says earnestly. Because I want you never forget it, okay? I want you to remember and never again to blame.

"Only if you promise me you will not," I answer, excited by her words, less for the things you have no guilt whatsoever.

"Done," replied with a smile and in that moment I feel as if no time had passed before me and had that little girl who never lost Potedaia smile.

"Say it again," Gabrielle answered, turning his eyes toward the horizon.

- What? "I ask, not knowing what he means.

"You called me love," says Gabrielle, turns his head toward me and smiles at me. Say it again.

"Love, I answer, smiling back. My love ...

"I always wanted to call me and says with tears, but this time are happy.

"I always wished I could do it," I reply, with moist eyes again. Together we look at the last vestiges of sunset.