Confessions. English

Confessions. English




DEAN

I spent so much time refusing to feel by replacing the wishes of my soul by the duty of protection. Few years have not been exactly or if it was from the first moment I saw him when I knew I loved him.



I've watched grow and become the person he has become. The child who changed the diapers, the hand carrying to school each day, the guy who hit me in height when he was only thirteen and a man who despite all our shortcomings has been able to overcome every shot being now the best human being I know.



Sometimes I think know better than myself, sometimes I do not know anything about him, the only certainty is that I still have much to learn.



I've lived so much by his side, some not very pleasant, indeed, things that anyone would not hesitate if he tried to forget, things that nobody would believe it. But I do not regret any of those hours, none of those minutes and if you ask me whether I live them, would answer without thinking that if, as long as he is with me.



My father gave me two options: save or kill him. But I always had a third option: Loving it. Love him deeply and intensely and thus save him. Because I'm willing to die for it, could not harm him ever before are worried the front. I could not bear the thought of losing. Nothing would make sense, then, for me.



My brother. Sam is my brother. It's something I love to say again and again and fills me with pride. My brother. My brother in every sense of the word. My blood, my reason for living, my soul mate. My whole life.



I love him more than I can express with mere words. I love him more than he should love the blood and do not care what people think about it. He has been in my life forever. He has been my best friend and all she needed to feel alive.



The Master. Simple as that. I love above all, I love him more every day. Sam, my Sammy. That's my definition of love is all I know.



Sometimes it's hard to stop looking at the soul. When not with me I feel empty, unable to breathe. Having him next to me is a vice that I will not resign. Not having it a slow death.



I love him so much that sometimes I think I will leave the heart. I think I'm going crazy for wanting this way, by holding back when being so close to him and not being able to touch as desire. Unable to feel her lips against mine, her skin with my skin. Be you. But I can tell. Not yet. I will not scare you away from me, that would be worse than this delicious torture in which we live. I still have hope that I come to love about the same way I want it. Some days there are moments when he sees me differently and his gaze is loaded with something that fills me with joy. But I will not deceive me, sure he only wants me as a brother and I am wrong. Sometimes I even say that Sammy is really cute, it clear that I'll never say.



Once we met a nice selling pictures, I thought it was perfect for Sammy, despite what I felt, but he said he could not be with her because there was something stronger was prompted by Jessica, but he just looked me straight, with eyes that keep me awake, I smiled and said it was not for that. At that moment I wondered if that was me more important. Delusions, I suppose.



I'm content to know that I want and when asked whether life would change said no, he wanted this. Does that mean you want to be with me?. Do not know.



The only thing certain is that we make decisions or paths we take, we always come back to be together. We are like old souls who seek and are living in life. Sometimes I think it is destiny, and I did not believe in that, but if Sam and I are together, could not be more grateful for this blessing.



I think one of these days, when we are traveling on a road and he is asleep, I will not be able to restrain my impulses, I will stop the car slowly to not wake him, I'll take her face in my hands and I will kiss so passionately trying to convince him that I feel is real. Maybe if you can persuade or reach the end so frightened that I make a lemon face, get off the car and leave the middle of nowhere. Can that happen. Who knows. I will not know until try. So I do a superhuman effort to keep under control. I do not want to leave. Not want to lose.



I'm selfish, yes, I agree. Because I want it for myself. Because I repeat that is mine, mine and nobody else. It's mine since I saw him as a baby. It's my dad when I was out of the burning house and ordered me to keep him safe and that's exactly what I will do, keep it safe but it kills me. Because Sammy was reborn that day in my arms and theirs is where I want to die.





SAM

Dean is a fool, stupid jokes all the time, cheating at poker and flirts shamelessly with anyone who wears a miniskirt, but somehow always comes back to me.



It has a strange obsession to be with me 24 hours a day, not because, perhaps because he has promised to look closely, but sometimes your "fence" is so close that my environment ends completing his presence, their scent, their voice and strangely it does not bother me at all.



We have lived together most of my life, except for those four years I went to college looking to get away from something that was denied to me, but I'm back to this, hunting, Dean and now this, this and nothing is all I want: saving people, hunting things, the family business ... my brother.



It may be that, can, and not fear to lose my brother, is that this idea is the worst round of his mind, but I have sworn never to separate from him, be with him, go where you go, Clearly never tells him literally, because surely would laugh, so I am only there for this to him, with him.



Could say that my future is uncertain, but it's not because he is as sure as the sky is blue black in the day and at night, as there are thousands of stars in the sky, like my brother is person more loyal, and brave in this world.



My future is unknown, because I have him, because I watch their eyes and no trace of them lie or doubt his feelings for me, because I know Dean nobody loves me as I wanted, that He has been everything to me, from day one until the end of time.



I do not think anyone in this life, two brothers who we want as we want, with all types of affection, with full determination to die for each other without even asking, without the slightest intention of parting.



I do not think there's anyone who feels for his brother what I feel for Dean, because although many can be wrong and even perverse, to me is the purest feeling I can never have is something so unique that I think should end with us, you must pass once in life, like those natural phenomena that occur every thousand years and who rarely gets to see, like those stars that shine for a moment and then go out and shine forever is as large and beautiful, that he who comes to discover never forgets.



Ours is unique, because I'm sure if people would like us, the world would have no rationale, there would be no sin, there would be no pain, simply would not have nothing to forgive.



I say that I love Dean, but more than that. Once a demon told him that he was the one who needed more from us than we from him, but that's not true, but I need air to breathe, rather than light, more than life itself.



Besides I can not deny, I'm not blind, my brother is very attractive, I've never liked men, or do not know really, but if so, I want to be like him ... I want to be him.



Bobby told us we looked like an old married couple, Dean replied that we were like Siamese twins, and this is exactly what I think, are just that, part of someone, just one, we could not survive without being together.



Maybe one of these days I dare tell him I love him, is something that we do not say because if, but we show it every second of the day, he and I have our codes and a simple look means everything.



The times were wrong me away, but deep down, I confess, is more than him because I was scared for my feelings, because they had become something more than brotherly affection, I can not say it's love, because is stronger than that, is something that would withstand the fire and time. It is not love, because that term does not reach as far as I have for Dean. It is something more, something I can not give name or maybe if it is love and is the first time you experiment and why it's so strange to me and necessary and something that I do not even want to quit.

DEAN

Interstate 47, somewhere in Wisconsin.



My brother sleeps in the passenger seat. Beside me. Nearly recharged has his head on my shoulder and I need that contact, feel her breath. I wonder if Sammy would say more than that I'm thinking, sure would give a heart very frightened.



This town is almost equal to all who have visited the motel, I could swear that is the same as two nights ago, only now it smells different, we are in a region surrounded by forest, you must be the fresh air of the pines brings that calm. Must be the air and not have Sammy here with me.



We came here because my smartass brother found a case of something that lives in a cave and has been attacking the locals, this afternoon we go for a walk around and see we could find, but now need a rest, we have been traveling nearly eight hours, Sam must be uncomfortable to sleep in the car and I made under a bed.



Sam has been lying in the first bed he saw, he has fallen asleep in less than two minutes, I'm going to take a shower. I quickly get rid of the clothes, I need to feel the warm water. I've spent almost half an hour in the shower. Sammy is going to kill me if I wake up and discover that I've done the hot water, but hey, not bad cold water will occasionally



It was almost seven in the evening, we went to the bar to investigate the case and why not, to take us a couple of beers. The manager told us that the noises begin at midnight, unusual grunts coming from a cave deep in the weeds, which have been two people that have disappeared in the last month that police have investigated and found no nothing. The police, I think, always wanting to do our work and throwing it all away.
Sam and I go into the woods that night. And the sounds begin, like a wounded animal, probably a bear. We take the weapon of salt and other more loaded with silver bullets just in case, a flare gun and a few knives sharpened Sam last week.
The cave is deep but as we approach the sounds become more audible and deafening, we seem to have felt. We stood on each side of the entrance, Sam has turned on the flashlight. I advance a little and what I see is not a bear or other animal that should be in the forest, a Wendigo, we burn, we must kill the damn thing.
We have seen, we run out, Sam goes on, I try to find the flare gun. I have it, I aim to be and shot squirms a bit but still trying to reach is not long to live, but still wants to hurt me. My brother pulled me towards him taking my hand, turn and look at him. No need to ask, that look means "this fact, Dean, let's go.".



We should go now, but Sam insists on spending the night at this motel.

- "We paid a full day, Dean, we'll go in the morning."

- "Okay." - That's all I'm just saying, do not understand why despite the years, even I can not say no to my brother.
We had a bed each. I'm already half asleep, I feel the mattress sinking, I turn around startled and just see Sammy getting between the sheets. There is complete darkness, street lamps illuminate the window in the room. I see your eyes and a shy smile, I turn her back again. Not for the first time we slept in the same bed when we were children we spent most nights in this way because Sam was suffering from nightmares and night terrors are not drawn so many psychologists and dad was never around to hug him, I was only and sleep with my brother, feeling the heat, it was also comforting to me.
This time does not have to be different, but it's been almost ten years since the last time we slept together, and this seems the first. He has been a long time, and throw him so close so much.
Sam holds me by the waist and makes me turn being face to face, not even open my eyes, but he is watching me. Finally I decide to see it. Sam looks at me directly, I can not define their expression, is joy, nostalgia, sadness. Do not know.
I look and I can not stop him. What do you want, Sammy?. Tell me I can do for you. You die if you asked me. I'll never leave you. Do not leave me you me. What do you want, Sammy?.
Close your eyes and lowers her head, recharge my chest, even hugged me.
He has fallen asleep.